We are not invited toward feeling contentment. Our culture feeds the sense that I should be better. I should be more. The tend-befriend aspect of our wiring is there, too. There is a sense of belonging to each other. Tami: Do you still struggle with self-acceptance in your own life?
Do you still go into the trance of unworthiness? Tara: Yes. I more quickly recognize that I am caught up in the trance—in the thoughts and beliefs of an unworthy self.
The feelings are there and the thoughts are there, but the sense of who I am beyond the self that I am judging is much more alive and accessible. But I still have to find my way back. One of the ways I find my way back, and I talk about this a lot in my teaching, is by thinking about this metaphor:. Photo by macinate via Flickr Creative Commons. Imagine you are walking through the woods and you see a small dog.
You think the dog is cute and you approach the dog, wanting to pet it. It suddenly snarls and tries to bite you. The dog no longer seems cute and you may feel some fear and anger.
As the wind blows, the leaves on the ground are carried away and you see the dog has one of its legs caught in a trap. Now, you feel compassion for the dog. You know it became aggressive because it is in pain and suffering. You go from being angry, to this poor thing. I pause and get that in some way my leg is in the trap. Suffering is the part we can control. It just means you are no longer choosing to suffer with it. Also, radical acceptance is NOT avoidance or denial.
Radical acceptance is deeply empowering and allows you to control an aspect of your experience that you feel out of control about. So to illustrate an example, last night I knew I had a pretty tough bike-run brick session on tap for this morning. Last night I remember myself looking forward to it. I also know that every time I do a hard morning session I feel so accomplished after.
However, I woke up feeling out of sorts and not how I thought I would feel this morning. I did my usual routine, but recognized I still felt a little off. You are in it now and doing it.
You did your normal routine, nothing major changed in your routine, and you feel not as sharp and energetic as you thought you would.
But you also are choosing to finish this session out and you will the best you can. So stay in the moment and accept. But those experiences are part of life and when you try to avoid or resist them, you only add more suffering to pain. Radical acceptance is a way to stop suffering and adopt a more active role. It is about assuming that life is full of experiences that you enjoy and others that you do not like. In fact, when you get away or try to avoid sadness and pain, it also decreases your ability to feel joy.
The avoidance of reality can also lead to self-destructive behaviors such as addictions, which can be useful to avoid pain in the short term, but in the long run only make the situation worse.
Radical acceptance requires practice. It is not easy to accept that traffic is a nightmare, that it starts raining the day you wanted to go to the beach or that you fell ill just before holidays. However, practicing radical acceptance in everyday situations will help you prepare to accept more difficult circumstances in life, such as the loss of a loved one, the diagnosis of a serious disease or a great financial disaster. These situations will always be difficult and painful, but accepting them means you can begin to heal.
Life gives you many opportunities to practice radical acceptance. If you have a problem to solve, you can start there. If you decide that you can not solve it, try changing your perception of the issue, your attitude and expectations about the problem. If you can not change your perception of the problem either because it really represents a hard blow, then apply the radical acceptance. Start by concentrating on your breathing. Take note of those thoughts and emotions and do not cling to them, let them pass as if they were clouds.
Repeat that mantra several times. Assume that what bothers you has already happened, that it is part of the past and it can no longer affect you, what affects you are the thoughts and emotions that it has generated. At this point, you should know that you will continue to experience different emotions, they will not be erased in a stroke, but little by little they will be less intense and surely will not last as long as they would if you limited yourself to deny reality.
In fact, often people who practice radical acceptance report feeling lighter and relieved, as if they had taken a burden off them. With radical acceptance pain does not disappear completely but suffering dissipates. And as you will stop suffering, the pain will be more bearable. Accepting reality provides us with space to mourn our losses and process our feelings accordingly.
Radical acceptance allows us to move past stressful or hurtful experiences without dwelling on them for too long. We can consciously choose not to wallow in emotional turmoil or act out in a way that will be met with more stress, drama, or pain. It can act as a sort of intervention to prevent further dysfunction in our lives and the lives of those closest to us. In doing so, we can also improve our interpersonal relationships by accepting others for who they are and their own faults or harmful behaviors.
This means accepting our parents, siblings, friends, and loved ones in general and coming to terms with our childhood and abuse we have suffered or any dysfunction we have witnessed.
This also means not dwelling on what should have happened, and instead, accepting what did happen and dealing with it. Radical acceptance helps to shape a new reality for ourselves. If we are to change anything, we have to accept it first. Accepting a situation frees up emotional energy and allows us to identify the things we can change, our feelings associated with them, and what actions we need to take.
Regarding addiction, this includes accepting the fact that one is an addict, not in control, and all that this entails. So, if you want to accept, start with just letting go. Do you think you think I think it's good? Radical Acceptance 2 - Radical Acceptance - Radical Acceptance (File I still have to find my way back. Once the directive changed to allow students to think of bears the urge to do so actually went away. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Editorial note: I believe it was implied in the way MP3) described the story that eventually radical self-acceptance gives way toward aligning your behavior with what is in your heart. Despite our best intentions, we often have trouble dealing effectively with strong emotions.
Salvador Espriu - Poemes - Amb La Veu Del Poeta (Vinyl), Isandhlwana - Bleak House - Suspended Animation (CD), (Your Love Couldnt) Take The Walkin Out Of My Shoes, Sforzato, Chorale, Meno Mosso - Claudio Pompili - Spazio (CD, Album), F - Lucia Fasano - Radio Silence (CD)